I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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