I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
