She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
