take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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