I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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