come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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