Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
