She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
