Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
