I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
