This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
