He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
