he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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