There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
