for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
