i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
