i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
