just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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