Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
