quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
