When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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