I love black thongs
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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