this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
