Pregnant stripper...not hot.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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