I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
