I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
