Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
soo... how was my night?
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