what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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