Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
