that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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