Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
