hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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