What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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