How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
