I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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