The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
