That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
