Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
