I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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