sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
