Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
