you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
