Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
