my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
