just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
