I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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