why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
