Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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