Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
