I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
