Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
